Updated: Feb 13
Growing up, we attach (or detach) to love stories that we believe fulfill our desires. The truth is that these interpreted desires are designed to satisfy our unintegrated emotional responses. When we encounter connections in our life that don’t align with what we believe we want from a companion, our automatic response is to shy away from it. Take note of the term shy, which we can collectively agree rarely serves us a satisfying internal result in the long run. The most prosperous connections do not just coddle our childhood trauma responses but open us up to what emotions are hindering what presence offers, authentic love. We experience synchronicities in unexpected moments when we are allowing ourselves the gift of presence, often during the pieces of life that unconsciously bring it out of us. When we let go enough to sing when we want to sing or dance when we want to dance, disregarding the thoughts and worries that so often hold us back, our instinctive presence takes the reins. We experience in these moments what one might consider magic and all feels aligned with the world. Often this is where our most beautiful connections are born, for we can see each other as the boundless beings we were born to be. But when trying to further these connections, as unintegrated emotions play back into our relative thinking, we categorize aspects of individuals as beneficial or hurtful to us based on what we perceive as comfortable. As these trauma responses surface, individuals serve as messengers of presence to allow us to integrate these emotions so we may be open to authentic love. But we seldom realize that these are chances to integrate and instead project our reactions back onto our companions and tarnish our connections and perceptions of them through such. We tend to tell ourselves we are simply viewing the true colors of the individual when in all reality we are being given opportunities to open ourselves to blind hindrances. We blame the individuals for the regurgitations of our own unintegrated past traumas. It is all in innocent attempts to protect our child selves who are still hurting. We believe we are doing “what is right for us” when we are suppressing exactly what will justly serve us. When we fit love into a restricted box, we inevitably keep ourselves locked up just the same. Neither ourselves or our ability to love and be loved can grow in such deprivation, so while doing what we interpret as safe and secure- we are manifesting our own starvation over and over again until presence screams loud enough that we need to reassess and change our routes. Today I am thankful for love that doesn't fit in my boundaries, because boundaries have never served me. I ache to be limitless, present to all the glorious mysteries beyond my familiar perceptions. Today and everyday I will dismantle my need to organize and grade the conditions I put on myself and others in order to feel loved. Instead I will offer my unconditional presence to my childhood self as she’s always desired, and extend that same grace to the child who exists in all who I hold dear and all who I haven’t had the pleasure of holding close to my heart. It is at the root of what we all truly desire. We are boundless in our nature and I will honor that in the way I give love today. That is the only way we will blossom, that is the only way our roots can truly support the roots of another.